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Are you secretly scared of stepping up?

17 Jun

The Fear Factor

 

What are the goals that you want to achieve?  What do you dream of moving towards?   Where do you want to be in your life?

These are all exciting and thought-provoking questions.  I’m sure you have some wonderful ideas running through your mind right now about your goals, dreams and desires.

Maybe you want to be more successful in your business or career?

Perhaps you want to reach a particular weight?

It could be that you want to move to the next income level?

As you focus on your particular goal, I wonder if any fears or doubts come up for you?

When I’m working with clients, I always check out whether there are any hidden benefits to staying where they are right now.  They usually answer pretty quickly and say, ‘Of course not!  I really want to lose weight/earn more/get that promotion’.

But when I ask them to think about it more deeply, often they realise that it feels safer and more comfortable to stay where they are at the moment.  Secret doubts and fears surface about what it might be like to achieve their goals.

‘I’m worried that I’ll attract more attention if I reach my ideal weight.’

‘My boss might find out that I’m not good enough if I get that promotion at work.’

‘People will think I’m greedy if I earn that much money.’

I wonder if any of these sound familiar to you?  Maybe you have your own concerns about how it would be to step up and grab your desired outcome.

These hidden (or not so hidden!) fears can prevent us from living the life we want.  They can keep us stuck and stop us from taking action.

That’s why I have created a special tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) routine to release any fears you might have around success and being more visible.

You can see the video below and tap along to let go of any worries or doubts you might have.

 

When you have watched the video, I would love to hear what goal you are moving towards at the moment and how this tapping routine helped.  Comment below to let me know what action you will be taking as a result of watching this video.

This everyday challenge is stopping you again and again.

29 May

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image19385242Whenever I speak to women about what is stopping them from achieving their goals, the number one answer is lack of time.

These are the the kind of things I hear:

‘I want to change career, but I just don’t have the time to retrain’.

‘I would love to do more exercise, but I can’t fit it in’.

‘I want to write a book/create an ecourse/revamp my website, but I’m just too busy right now’.

This perceived lack of time can keep us stuck in a place we don’t want to be. It can keep us stuck feeling less healthy than we want to be. It can keep us paralysed in our business or career. It can prevent us from living the truly fulfilling life we want to live.

This one challenge comes up every single day, stopping us in small ways and big ways.

Have you ever found yourself saying to a friend on the phone or when you bump into her on the street, ‘Can’t stop, I haven’t got time!’

Or maybe you’ve turned down an event you want to go to as you feel you’re too busy?

I personally can think of an opportunity that I was offered recently where I would have to step up out of my comfort zone. My first thought wasn’t, ‘I don’t know if I can do this’, it was ‘I’m not sure if I have enough time’.

(By the way, sometimes, we can use lack of time as an excuse to mask an underlying lack of self-belief.)

The fact is when you feel time-pressured, it’s a major cause of stress. When you feel that you don’t have enough time in the day, you are heading for burnout.

The good news is that there are some simple ways to overcome the time challenge. Here’s what to do when you are feeling time-pressured.

1) Prioritise (aka cut the crap!)

Have a think about your day today. What are you spending your time doing?

Now I know a lot of the stuff you are doing is super-important and necessary (like reading this fabulous article!). But if you are honest, how much of your time is spent doing stuff that just doesn’t matter?

How much time do you spend checking Facebook or email? How much time do you spend watching crappy TV programmes? How much time do you spend procrastinating about what to do next?

Now I can hold my hands up to all of the above! The truth is you have plenty of time to do all the things you want to do (truly). You simply need to focus on your priorities.

Ask yourself the question – ‘What is most important to me?’

Make a list, with your highest priority at the top.

Now you have something to work with. You can clearly see what means most to you and where you want to spend your time.

Each day, focus on the top three priorities on your list. This is now your guide. Whenever you find yourself feeling time-pressured, ask yourself, ‘Am I spending my time wisely right now? Am I focusing on my priorities?’

If the answer is no, let go of what you are doing.

This might take practice, but in time you will find yourself experiencing more space and fulfilment in your life.

Take action now: Make your priority list! Tune in to what’s truly important to you and then think about where you are spending your time right now. You might be surprised to realise that most of your time is being spent on crap (to be frank!) that’s just not meaningful for you.

2) Change your time story

We all perceive time in a particular way. I’m sure you’ve noticed that some people are laid-back and easy-going, never in a rush. Whereas others are always dashing from one place to the next, feeling pressured and stressed.

Which are you?

Your time story (or mindset) will certainly have been influenced by how your family were growing up. I know for me, we always had to be on time, if not early. In fact, if I get to a meeting just on time now, I feel like I’m late!

Like any aspect of your mindset though, this isn’t set in stone. You can create a shift in the way you experience time. You can change your time story.

The first thing to do is to mind your language. Notice any times when you find yourself saying things like, ‘I haven’t got time’, ‘I’m too busy’, or ‘Where does the time go?’ (Big hands up to this one for me!)

When we make statements like this, we are reinforcing the story that there is not enough time.

Start telling yourself a different story.

The next time you begin to say, ‘I haven’t got time’, catch yourself, take a deep breath and say, ‘I have all the time I need’. As you do that, notice how you feel different.

Like any time we start to change our mindset, it might feel strange at first. There will be occasions when you don’t catch yourself and start talking your ‘too busy/can’t stop/must dash’ chat. That’s okay. This is a process.

The first step is to recognise when you are telling yourself an unhelpful time story and the next step is to start shifting it.

Take action now: For the next 24 hours, commit to telling yourself a different time story. Look out for those times when you’re thinking or speaking negatively about time. When you catch yourself, change your story. Say something different.

3) Chunk it baby!

Have you ever noticed how time can seem to slip away? You might have a whole day or week ahead of you. You think about all the things you’re going to get done. Then somehow, you don’t end up achieving half as much as you wanted to.

Alternatively, you might have a busy day or week coming up. You have something you really want to get done, but you just can’t see how you’re going to squeeze it in as it’s going to take a substantial amount of time.

Chunking can help with both of these scenarios. What I mean by chunking is carving out specific ‘chunks’ of time to focus on a particular task.

Here are some examples.

If I have a whole free day ahead of me, I can easily drift aimlessly from one thing to another, never getting anything done. However, if I say I am going to spend 45 minutes writing an article or 30 minutes working on my website, I will be super-focused during that chunk of time.

I might faff around for the rest of the day, but I will do what I need to get done in my designated chunks.

In the same way, when I have a busy week ahead of me, for example when I’m travelling to work with clients on retreat, I can still carve out small chunks of time to write or create.

By using these manageable chunks of time, I feel productive and much less overwhelmed.

So, over to you. Where can you chunk your time to achieve what you want to? The key is to keep them manageable – certainly no more than one hour.

Take action now: Think about something you want to get done over the next week. Schedule some chunks of time in your diary now when you will work on this particular task. Notice how good it feels to be taking control and planning for action.

These are my top time transformation tips! I’d love you to comment below and let me know which one resonates with you most. Which one will you be taking action on first?

If you would like some extra help managing your time, I am running a free Get It Done Challenge in June.  Click here for all the details and to join us.

Can you tap your way to your ideal weight?

20 May

A tool  I use more and more in my practice is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as tapping.  So I was delighted to see an article in The Daily Mail last week singing the praises of tapping, particularly for helping with weight loss.

The article quotes a recent clinical study on 89 women which found that those who tapped for 15 minutes a day lost an average of 16 lb in eight weeks, without following a strict diet or exercise plan.

One area that tapping is particularly helpful with is emotional eating – those times when we reach for food and we’re not physically hungry.

To show you how to use this powerful tool for yourself, I have created a special video which takes you through a tapping routine to help combat emotional eating.

 

 

I’d love to hear how you found this tapping routine.  Comment below and let me know what you experienced and any particular emotional triggers you have for eating.

How do you experience time?

12 May

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-image-time-now-2-image1543231Are you the kind of person who is always telling yourself that you don’t have enough time?

Do you find yourself saying to others, ‘Can’t stop, too busy!’

Do you feel that you have so much to do and no time to fit it all in?

I hear you!  I often find myself feeling pressured and a little panicky about time (even though my work is all about being more mindful!  We teach what we need to learn.)

When we feel that we don’t have enough time, our stress levels rise and our sense of wellbeing drops.

The good news is we can choose how we experience time.  We can learn to bring ourselves back into the moment.  We can start to tell ourselves a different time story.

It’s all about perception.

My Tuesday Challenge video focuses on time this week.  I share a story about how I started to shift my experience of time and I invite you to start doing the same.

You can watch the video below and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

How do you currently experience time?  Do you feel pressured, busy and rushed?  Please comment at the bottom of the post and let me know your time-style.

 

The 3 tell-tale signs you are experiencing resistance

6 May

http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-images-bored-healthy-eating-image18253299I had a light bulb moment recently (love it when that happens!). I was watching Marie Forleo interview sports psychologist Todd Herman and he was talking about the biological process that occurs when we start to make a change. In very basic terms (I am no scientist!), he explained that when we begin to behave in a new way, our cells are bombarded with different hormones, and they start to vibrate.

We often interpret this vibration as a negative emotion. We can feel unsettled and decide that the change we have made isn’t right for us. We go back to our old habits, as they feel more comfortable.

The realisation that this unsettled feeling that comes when we make a change is actually biological really struck me. Once we recognise that, ‘Hey! It’s just my cells vibrating’, we can move through this initial discomfort and wait for them to calm down (which they will).

I was also really interested in what’s going for us whilst our cells are doing this change dance. What do we actually experience when we are trying to make a change? It can be summed up in one word, resistance.

Resistance can happen whenever we want to do something different. We feel an initial excitement, a ‘Yes! I can do this,’ attitude. We get all motivated and start making the change and then a couple of hours, days or weeks later….resistance kicks in.

What does resistance look like? It’s helpful to know, because you will have your own signature style of resistance. Once you become familiar with it, you can simply say, ‘Oh, I see you there’ and move right on through it.

So, here are three tell-tale signs that your cells are vibrating up a storm and you are experiencing la resistance.

Tell-tale sign number 1: Everything goes to s**t

I have seen this so many times with my clients and myself!

Let’s say you’re trying to lose weight. Everything is going great for a week or so. You’re making healthier food choices, you’re getting to the gym and the weight is starting to come off.

You feel good. You’re thinking to yourself, ‘Yes! I’m finally doing this.’

Then the next week, you get on the scales and to your horror, you’ve put weight on. How did this happen? You’ve been doing everything right. You’ve made changes. How could you have put weight on?

A similar thing happened for me last May. At the time I was working on my wealth consciousness. I was really focused on being more successful in my business.

Do you know what happened? Last May was my worst month ever financially for my business. It was beyond bad.

When this kind of thing happens, our natural response is to feel, ‘What’s the freaking point?’ We can give up and go back to our old habits.

However, if we recognise this difficult time as resistance, then our perception starts to shift.

This is why I always let my clients know that it’s completely normal to experience setbacks. It is part of the process and you just need to move on through it.

What do you do when everything goes to s**t? Keep taking action!

Action is so key. When I had my disastrous May last year, even though part of me wanted to give up and crawl under the duvet, I kept going. I did leaflet drops, put posters up, kept networking and do you know what? Business picked up and has been pretty darn great ever since.

I just had to move through the resistance and you can do that too.

Tell-tale sign number 2: You procrastinate

Have you ever wanted to make a big change and just kept putting it off in some way?

You find yourself thinking that you just need to read that one more book before taking action. Maybe you tell yourself, ‘I’ll start it on Monday, next month, after my holiday’.

Again, this is a sure sign you’re experiencing resistance. Just thinking about this change is causing your cells to samba and you’re feeling uncomfortable.

So, you find ways of putting off actually doing anything. You might even find yourself doing the dishes, folding the washing, cleaning the bathroom – anything to delay making a change.

You can justify all of this in your head, telling yourself that you really need to dust the living room before you can concentrate. Or maybe you tell yourself you don’t have enough time right now?

There are a gazillion excuses and delaying tactics you can call on.

The fact is, you are procrastinating. You are experiencing resistance.

How do you deal with this? Just do the work!

I’m afraid there is no easy solution, you just need to recognise that you are delaying and then get on with it.

Now, don’t think you have to do it all at once (because that could cause resistance overload!)

Start with small, manageable steps. Maybe commit to 30 minutes a day working towards your goal. You can always build on that.

Call yourself out on your procrastination and keep taking action.

Tell-tale sign number 3: You feel grumpy!

Oh, I am so familiar with this form of resistance! (Actually, I’m super-familiar with all of them, but this is a favourite of mine.)

Maybe you sign-up with a personal trainer, a teacher at an evening class or a coach. At first you think that person is great. You’re telling everyone how inspirational they are. You are their biggest fan.

Then one day you find yourself feeling grumpy with them. You start to find points to criticise. Maybe you miss a session, you feel kind of rebellious.

You tell yourself, ‘I’m going to do it my way. I know what’s best for me!’

Now, I absolutely agree that you are unique and you can find your own way. All power to you my friend!

However, if you are telling yourself this and feeling downright grumpy at the same time, then this is often a sign that actually what you are experiencing is resistance.

Maybe this person has challenged you in some way (if they are doing their job right they certainly will have). At first you found this exciting, but then your cells start to cha-cha-cha and you find yourself shrinking back.

It’s much easier to reject someone when you feel grumpy with them, so that’s what happens. You unconsciously manifest a grump so you can justify stopping working with that person.

Does this resonate with you? I have certainly experienced this in the past, both as a therapist and as a client.

How do you get over the grump? Out it!

I know it won’t feel comfortable initially, but acknowledge your grouchiness. Talk to the person your grump is directed at. Tell them what you’re experiencing.

You will feel much better for it. That grump will start to disappear as soon as you let it out (like magic!).

So, resistance, it’s a funny old thing isn’t it? Learning to spot the signs is so liberating. Once you know what you’re dealing with, you can move through it.

Take action now: What’s your signature style of resistance? Comment below, tell me about a time you experienced resistance and what you did to overcome it.

If you are ready to just do it and get through your resistance, contact me and let’s talk.

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